theCynch

Most people do it, but very few admit it.

Stalking our exes is shameful, weak-minded and masochistic, but many of us do it anyways, unable to disconnect.

While some of us are able to cut our emotions off completely, others feel the need to linger and obsess.

For the lingerers, here’s a list of ways you can be more tactful with your stalking online:

1. Spokeo.

If it’s been a few years since you’ve spied on your ex, Spokeo is a good place to hit first.

Spokeo is like the whitepages, except it includes social networks, photos and demographics. The interface is slick and easy to use.

The catch is that it costs money if you want more details than those that are already given, but the fees are low. A one year membership only costs $2.95 per month and includes a full report on all searches.

I had fun with the tool by looking up my own name. It might be a good idea, for your own safety, to see what people can find out about you.

I found out that there are 33 “Cynthia Kelly”s in Washington State and 1345 in the USA. Thanks for giving me a unique name, parents. On the plus side, it makes me more difficult to stalk. ;)

2. SleepingTime.

If your ex is an active Twitter user, you can see how they’ve been sleeping through SleepingTime.

If you know what his/her waking hours are, then you’ll know when to expect tweets and updates. If you mirror their sleeping pattern, then you’ll never miss a thing!

3. Foursquare.

If they use Foursquare or Gowalla, you can easily see where they’ve been. Has he/she been to any your old “favorite hangouts?”

Did they make notes about their favorite dishes or *who* they enjoyed their time with?

4. Google Alerts.

Set up Google Alerts for his/hers:

1. full name
2. favorite screen name
3. e-mail address.

Google Alerts will e-mail you–instantly if you’d like–anytime he/she comments on a blog, publishes anything, or is mentioned on the Internet.

5. Pandora.

If you know their username (and if they use Pandora), look it up on Pandora by typing in:

www.pandora.com/people/”USER NAME HERE”

and check out what they’ve been listening to.

Their user profile can show you what stations they’ve been listening to, as well as what songs they’ve bookmarked. Do you two still have similar tastes in music, or is he/she listening to new bands or new types of music?

6. Twitter.

If their Twitter account is public, then it will be easy to check in on what they’re doing. You don’t need to follow them, just bookmark their Twitter profile and check for updates.

However, if their Twitter profile is private, create a new, fake Twitter account. For the profile photo, steal someone else’s photo (you can use Google Images) or just put a cartoon character there.

Follow them, then hope they follow your fake Twitter account back so you can see their tweets.

If they don’t follow back, try to direct message them and mention that you’re such-and-such from a such-and-such party two years ago.

7. Facebook.

I saved Facebook for my last point, because I think it’s the most obvious. It’s the most personal social network that we have, so it usually contains the juiciest information.

• If their Facebook profile is public, then it will be easy to keep track of them. Just bookmark and check! (Just like a public Twitter account.)
• If they have blocked you and have their privacy settings on Network Only, then make a new account and join their network. Bookmark and check.
• If their profile is Friends Only, then pay one of his/her friends $100 for his/her friend’s account information so you can see their updates.

The Cynch: These methods will work best if your target is someone who can’t live without social media.

Apparently, you can’t live without them either if you are taking notes from this post—just try to maintain your sanity. :)

P.S. I want to make it perfectly clear that I have never done any of these things with any of my exes.

P.P.S. And if I did, I wouldn’t tell you.